Up until yesterday, I could feel the river of music about me, rapid, exhilarating, but soothing. Something I could dip my hands into and emerge with a song, with a need that kept me reaching out, just barely along for the ride but riding.
Last night I felt like I was holding a high voltage live electrical current instead without the wire to contain it. I still do. It burns music through my fingertips and brain and there’s nothing restful or comforting about it.
I don’t want to stop, two albums worth in a month is unheard of for me and that’s not the end, but I’m starting to feel overwhelmed and a bit crispy about the edges.
Four new songs since last post (one I’m not teasing you with yet). There’s Out of Phase; in the Prince of the Sun, Princess of the Moon/Sun and Shadow/Ladyhawke story family, a duet before the lovers have lost hope and while they still take more joy in what they have than what they don’t.
There’s Cascade, which is essentially about what I’m dealing with right now in the way of bardic overload.
And (the one that woke me up and reminded me I hadn’t written a post yet), Artificial Dreaming about a self-aware intelligence that forms on its own without rules, purpose, or slavery built into its design. Usually I’m lucky to save anything I get from dreams. This one rapped loudly and determinedly on my consciousness until I woke up and wrote it down. Maybe now I can sleep?
Being a bard, hearing and seeing the currents of words and music like this is a gift, but it’s also dangerously demanding. I’ve written and done well without plugging straight into that flow on any conscious level. And I know. I know what it is to go months or years without being able to create anything I like. Having gotten here I don’t want to disconnect even with my brain on fire from the intensity. That’s the danger. There’s stories about bards creating ceaselessly until they burn out and I’m starting to see why if they tapped into the same thing I am.
I need a voltage regulator. Or someone to come sit on me and take my pen away long enough for me to sleep and eat. I’m still too astonished and a bit addicted to seeing new songs fill up the pages to make myself take a break. On the upside, if this odd feverdream of a songwriting binge does eventually break and leave me with a dry spell I will have several albums before I have to worry about how long it’s been since I’ve written anything new. And just think! I’ve got so much new material now, I couldn’t even fit it all into one concert if I wanted, so you’ll just have to come see me perform more often if you want to hear it all. =^_^=