Because

I’ve been watching the back and forth happening because of people’s reaction to Notre Dam burning.

I want to say, first off that all loss of history is worth mourning.

I also want to offer actual answers to “why do you mourn this but not that.” Not always my answers, but answers all the same.

Because

Because I have memories that make it special.

Because I loved its beauty.

Because it helped me when I needed it.

Because I didn’t know.

Because I didn’t have the background to have emotional ties.

Because while I can mourn several things at once, I can only mourn so many things before I shut down and stop processing.

Because that was the thing I saw in front of me.

Because the first thing I saw that had me grieving blinded me to everything else.

Because I have history that overrides the grief.

Because I was grieving about that yesterday and today I am grieving something else.

Because I am too busy living through my own tragedy.

Because my news sources weren’t covering it.

Because my social circle wasn’t talking about it.

Because I never learned about it in school.

Because I didn’t know that I didn’t know.

Because I only have so much time in a day to learn about things.

But what about…?

Then don’t accuse me. Tell me about it.

Tell me about the other churches burning down. About the other places where the water is unsafe. About the other places history was destroyed. About the invisible people being wiped out unnoticed while the world pays attention to the “popular” minorites.

Tell me about all the shitty things I ought to know about, and then tell me to chose which ones are the most deserving of help, because there is not time for me to help them all.

Tell me, no matter what I chose, that I chose wrong. That there’s someone or something else I should care about more.

And then look surprised when I collapse under the weight of everything I can’t do and pick one thing to care about.

Me.

Because if I don’t put on my oxygen mask first, I can’t help anyone at all.

And then wonder why people have become so selfish.

And tell them that they’re doing it wrong.

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