I will say this for heartbreak, its one hell of an inspiration to write. I wrote three songs the day before yesterday. Three. And one more today for good measure.
And before you all go jumping to conclusions, feeling broken-hearted isn’t exclusively limited to romantic relationships. Ask any parent who has to watch their child make really terrible decisions or anyone who has empathy for the state of the world and wishes there was far less hate and far more acceptance.
Its funny, all the songs I’ve written lately and I still haven’t written the one I want to write. Its like the elements are broken up and scattered in between all the the others like a jigsaw puzzle or a riddle that you have to piece together to find the hidden image.
Of course given that Faerie folk are rarely straightforward, I suppose that may be frustratingly appropriate.
I really want to start sharing some of what I’ve been working on, but I’m saving up material to start up my own Patreon. I want a backlog in case life happens so I don’t disappoint all you wonderful fans by not coming up with new shinies for you. 🙂
As a tease, the working titles for my new songs are:
Bigger on the Inside (Strip Me Down)
Its an empath song about being done with being less for other people who don’t appreciate how hard it is to suppress so much just to interact.
Or how to survive in Faerie, and the cost of taking any Faerie creature for granted.
Artifacts of You
About how hard it is to truly let someone go in this digital age.
Space Isn’t Big Enough
Another empath song, about the kind of connection you can feel anywhere and can’t ever fully shut out. Structurally this one is interesting.
This weekend brought us two wonderful events in the form of three of our favorite traveling bards and a new addition in the form of the fiery Leslie Hudson who won me over from the first notes out of her piano during soundcheck. And then she started to sing.
Let me tell you, if you ever get a chance to see this amazing woman perform live, it is absolutely worth it.
As for me, why was I getting to hear her during soundcheck? Because thanks to John Seghers (who totally rocks at what he does), I got to help set up sound for the Saturday Hudson-Pixie concert for my first time out doing live sound! My desire since I went into the Digital Audio Engineering program was to practice and develop my live sound skills in the very same community that has helped me get my start and that has supported me through the years, so I was honored to get to start with a few of the people I most wanted to thank. 🙂
Once the concert was underway, I was free to dance my heart out. I haven’t danced that hard or freely in what feels like forever, and I was delighted to have one of my favorite dance partners in attendance. One of my favorite video captures of the night (shared with permission) is Daughter of the Glade, it will open in a separate window if you want to go see what you missed. Or relive the moment. 🙂
We flooded the hall with water magic and when the rain hit, I could feel a thread of tension just melt away. I want to thank everyone who got up at the end to dance the last song with me. It was fantastic to end on such a high note, and then follow it up with the Lost Girls anthem.
We’ll never grow up, and we’ll never give in!
I had such a grand time Saturday that I simply had to head over to Silverdale for Sunday’s concert and was delighted that there were few duplicated songs, which meant lots of tasty goodness overall for me. I didn’t help with sound for this one, but I danced until I had no reserves left, convinced small children I was a fairy just by being me, and got all the smalls dancing with me for Uffington Horse (which was adorable). I knew fewer people but more of them were dancing, and one of the young girls was watching and trying to imitate those of us doing more complicated dance moves. It reminded me a lot of me when I was her age, and I hope she keeps it up. The world needs more people who aren’t afraid to dance.
I sadly can’t follow Sooj, Leslie and Betsy down to the Sacred Well in Portland this week, but if you can make it yourself I highly recommend going. Remember, two of these lovely ladies aren’t local so opportunities to see them live are limited!
Some particular new-to-me musical highlights that stuck with me…
A Betsy Tinney song (I didn’t catch the title, but I loved it), featuring many different animals.
Honestly, I’m probably going to do a separate post just on Leslie’s music (the songs I resonate with in particular), because I had several moments of wishing I’d written that because this song or that says so clearly something I’d been trying to fit into a song myself. First I need to go listen to the rest of her music though. You know, so I don’t miss anything. As of now all of her albums are on my wishlist though…
Thoughts for the week…
Most of us learn pretty early that love does not always equal compatibility. A trickier one to get is that understanding does not always equal compatibility or magic fixes either. How many times have you heard or said “If you just understood…” with the assumption that that would change whatever dynamic is in play?
Truth is, sometimes two people can understand each other perfectly and be in the unfortunate position of having diametrically opposed base needs. At that point one can offer sympathy and compassion, but still not be able to bridge the gap between those needs.
It doesn’t mean that either person is wrong for needing what they do or being who they are. It doesn’t make either person a bad person because they have to take care of themselves first.
If I’m drowning and you can’t swim, you can’t be faulted for not jumping in to save me. If there’s no way you can get me help in time, and you’d die trying to help me, I’d really rather you didn’t. An extreme example, sure, but it illustrates that sometimes there are no easy work arounds. A sad and all too common alternate example, two people in a monogomous relationship where one cannot bear touch for very understandable reasons, and the other needs it to be happy. There is all the love in the world but all the understanding in the world can’t make the situation stop hurting either party, or make things magically okay. In a poly relationship there might be an outlet in the form of a third party, but not everyone is wired for poly.
I’m so used to being able to fix things, to finding compromises and unexpected solutions, that I find myself at an utter loss for how to handle situations where mutual understanding reveals an apparently uncrossable divide. I don’t have a tool in my toolbox for that beyond walk away. There’s got to be something better. And I know each such situation probably has its own specialized tool, and its so frustrating when I can’t see it or find it. The sad thing is that sometimes, at least for a time, walking away may actually be the best answer. Time and distance can resolve a rather large number of things. I’m stubborn enough that I feel like I’m giving up rather than applying the correct tool, partly because for so many years my first instinct was to run away from my problems instead of working through them.
How do you know when to stay or go? Do we ever know which is the right call really?
Its easy when one person is clearly a manipulative asshole, but when both people truely care and are decent human beings?
I have no answers. Just a reminder. If you think your important person doesn’t understand because they aren’t changing their behavior in the way that you need… pay attention to what you’re expecting understanding to accomplish. It goes a long way, but its not a magic fix-it wand.